


I Wish That It Was Easy

by littleconnections



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:34:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21934552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleconnections/pseuds/littleconnections
Summary: Getting stuck in a time loop has never made anyone realise their feelings any quicker.
Relationships: Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick
Comments: 28
Kudos: 345
Collections: Hockey Holidays 2019





	I Wish That It Was Easy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stag](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stag/gifts).

The first time they have sex is right after the Flyers are eliminated from playoff contention. They go out with the team to commiserate and when they get back—

It’s a surprise. It’s inevitable.

It feels like something Nolan has always know was going to happen, had always wanted but he _hadn’t _so it’s a surprise when TK kisses him, up on his toes, pressing Nolan back against the door of their hotel room.

They’re both drunk.

There’s a good week of the season left, four games to play, and they don’t mean anything.

Trav’s mouth is hot on Nolan’s, sloppy and uncoordinated. Nolan is kissing him back before he thinks. He gets his hands on him, dragging over Travis’s shoulders and back, curling around his ass and hauling him in. Travis makes a pleased noise against his mouth, crowds closer.

Nolan’s drunk enough that he’s not really thinking about what’s happening. Mostly he focuses on staying upright, on the way he can feel the slight scratch of Travis’s facial hair, the wetness of him licking into Nolan’s mouth. Nolan lets him.

There’s no conscious decision to start moving toward the bed, just a stumbling push-and-pull, always touching. By the time he pushes he hits the bed Nolan’s lost one shoe and his tie. Travis is trying to unbutton his shirt.

They end up on the bed, clothes shoved out of the way, moving against each other. There’s no artistry, no coordination, just the two of them, hungry and wanting.

Nolan wakes up to TK cussing. He thinks that maybe he’s trying to be quiet about it, but Nolan slowly peels his eyes open. Travis is holding a shoe in one hand, squinting at the tie in his other.

“Hey,” Nolan rasps. His head hurts and his mouth tastes like ass but he can remember every moment from last night.

TK flinches. He looks like shit, hair mess, dark circles under his eyes.

Nolan smacks his mouth together a couple of times, trying to find some moisture.

“Breakfast?”

He needs coffee and something greasy.

TK takes a breath and blows it out.

“I gotta shower and change.”

“Okay.” Nolan closes his eyes again. He needs to shower too but he has a few more minutes.

In the shower he finds a hickey on his collarbone. He pokes it. He doesn’t remember that.

They go to a breakfast place they found on one of their other trips to Raleigh that does great coffee and pancakes. Nolan doesn’t remember whether today is a mandatory team breakfast day but also he doesn’t really care. What’s coach gonna do, scratch him for a game that doesn’t matter anyway?

Nolan feels more human after the second cup of coffee and the third pancake. Across from him Travis is eating with a mechanical intensity. He stares at Nolan, chews, swallows. Reaches for the coffee. Sets it down again. Nolan can almost feel the jiggling of his leg as he bounces his knee.

“You did pretty good this year,” Nolan ventures eventually. “Gonna be a good contract.”

Travis shrugs, still chewing, the swallows. “I mean, it’s whatever. Gonna be a pain to get it done but at least I don’t have to be here for it.”

“You think Marner’s really gonna hold out?”

“I don’t know Patty,” TK rolls his eyes, then starts shoveling pancakes in his mouth again. It’s fascinating how fast he can chew and swallow.

“That’s gross, dude. At least chew a little.”

“Hey, check it out. Car accident in a tunnel.” And TK opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue, half chewed mess of pancakes right there. He laughs so hard at Nolan’s face that he chokes himself on it. Serves him right.

After breakfast they’re shuttled back onto the plane and then back to Philly. Everyone is little worse for the wear so it’s a quiet flight. Travis sits beside Nolan and they watch the Office again. Nolan doesn’t really pay attention. It’s fine, he’s seen this one before.

When they get to their building TK follows Nolan right into his apartment, dropping his shit in the hallway and making his way into the living room. Nolan follows him and for a second Travis just stands there, then turns. There’s something weird about his face.

“Okay, so about last nig—”

Nolan kisses him.

There’s a split second where he thinks Travis might pull away and keep talking but then he doesn’t. Bites Nolan’s lip instead, crowds against him.

Nolan hasn’t been thinking about it, but he also hasn’t not been thinking about it. He doesn’t think now, just gets his hands on Travis, stripping him out of his shirt. He runs his hands over his shoulders appreciatively. Even now at the end of the season Travis is still fucking built, the muscles of his back and biceps taunt as Nolan digs his fingers into them.

Travis pants into Nolan’s mouth. They haven’t even turned the light on yet, just the later winter light of the overcast Philadelphia sky streaming in the window, grey and cold. Travis’s skin is warm under Nolan’s fingers. Travis pushes his whole body into Nolan, pushes until his back is against the wall. He can feel Travis’s hard-on rub against him through their sweats.

Travis sinks to his knees.

Nolan blinks down at him. His own hard-on is really obvious like this, tenting his team issued sweats. Travis licks his lips. His hat fell off when he peeled out of his shirt and his hair still looks really stupid. Nolan reaches out to touch it, then stops himself.

“You can.” Travis’s voice sound hoarse already. Nolan doesn’t want to think about what it will sound like when he’s done. His hips twitch forward.

Nolan settles a hand in TK’s hair as he reaches out to run a finger over Nolan’s dick, still covered by his sweats. Back-and-forth until he’s trailing up to the waistband, a slow, deliberate drag.

“Fuck, Patty.” He breathes out.

Travis’s mouth is hot and wet. Nolan doesn’t know if he’s good at this (and isn’t that a thought) or if Nolan is just that into it, but it doesn’t last long and the Nolan gets to see his come splashed white on TK’s face.

“Fuck,” TK says again. “Fuck, _Patty._”

Nolan hauls him up, spins them so that Travis is against the wall. He kisses him with a hand in his sweats, tight, short strokes until Travis is choking, panting against him. Than it’s done and they look at each other.

“Uh,” Travis runs a hand through his hair. “I need to get cleaned up. I’ll see you later to ride to the game?”

“Sure.” Nolan steps away from him, doesn’t offer for him to stay, get cleaned up here. Travis wipes the come off his face with his shirt before he leaves.

They lose to the Rangers that night, 0-3.

Then they lose to Dallas, 2-6.

Then they lose to St. Louis, 3-7.

Then they come back home to face the Canes one final time.

In between they keep messing around. In their hotel rooms, in their apartments.

They don’t talk about it. Which is fine. Nolan doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s cool with getting on his knees in the living room and sucking TK’s dick, all the lights on, carpet scratchy under his knees, the CoD loading screen music in the back group, looping over and over again. TK’s thighs are splayed wide around him, head tipped back. His hand is twisted in Nolan’s hair, pulling a little and when Nolan glances up at him he sees his stupid facial hair and open, panting mouth, dark eyes staring down at him.

TK’s dick is thick and heavy in his mouth. Nolan hasn’t done this in a long time and he’s not thinking about it.

Afterwards it’s bed time. There’s a weird tingling feeling settling in at the base of Nolan’s skull that he really hopes isn’t a developing headache.

Nolan wakes up to TK cussing. His head hurts and his mouth tastes sour, stomach churning. When he opens his eyes the light is too bright.

He’s not in his room. He’s in a hotel room, Travis standing there with his shirt half buttoned, shoe in one hand.

What the fuck is going on? Nolan doesn’t remember drinking. He’d fallen asleep in his own bed after they got back from their loss against the Blues.

Travis swears again, bends down to pick something up.

“Hey,” Nolan says. His voice is raspy. He pushes himself up, sayings against the light. The pounding in his head gets worse. “Where the fuck are we?”

Travis jerks up so quickly he drops his shoe. His hair is a mess, deep circles under his eyes. Clearly whatever Nolan drank last night TK did too.

“Raleigh dude. Were you that drunk last night?”

He sounds unsure. A little worried fold settles between his eyebrows.

They don’t play the Canes again until tomorrow and that game is in Philly. Nolan doesn’t understand what’s going on at all.

“I’m going to shower.”

In the shower he finds a hickey on his collarbone. The precise place and size of the one Travis gave him when they — the last time they were Carolina. Nolan stares at himself in the fogged-up mirror. His cheeks are flushed pink from the shower, hair wet and stringy, clinging to his face. There’s a tingling in his head, right at the base of his skull in addition to his headache. It doesn’t feel bad but it doesn’t feel good either.

He checks his phone while Travis is in the shower. The date is the 31. March 2019. The day after they were eliminated from playoff contention.

He thinks about it but he doesn’t see how this could be a prank. Maybe he dreamed the next five days. Maybe TK didn’t suck his dick in the living room. Maybe they didn’t lose to the Rangers. And the Stars. And the Blues.

They go to team breakfast. Everyone looks little worse for the wear. TK sits next to Nolan. He eats with gusto. Nolan stares in fascination.

“Hey Patty,” TK turns to him. “Car accident in a tunnel.”

And he sticks his tongue out again. There’s scrambled eggs on there now, a half-chewed yellow mess.

“You’re disgusting.”

TK just laughs at him.

They get on the plane and go home to Philly. Nolan is tired. His headache is mostly gone but the weird tingling at the back of the head is still there. He tries to sleep on the plane but can’t. Travis fidgets next to him, leg bouncing as he watches some survival show.

When they get home TK follows Nolan into his apartment again. Nolan can’t get over how all this feels familiar, like it happened before. He can’t believe he had a dream this detailed about the future. It’s fucking him up.

Travis is standing in the living room, looking at Nolan. He looks tired again, the skin under his eyes worn thin.

Nolan has the memory that he kissed him here.

“You really don’t remember anything from last night do you?”

Nolan does. He remembers Travis’s mouth, their bodies pressed together, the urgency he felt, hot, heady, pressing. That night and in his dream.

He’s tired. His head is still tingling and his eyes feel like there’s sand in them and he wants to go lay down and take his nap.

“No,” he shrugs. “It’s all gone.”

“Right,” Travis licks his lip. “Right that’s— whatever. Nap time?”

Travis steals Nolan’s guest room because that’s how he is and Nolan gets into his own bed. It’s comfortable and warm and as he falls asleep he can feel the weird tingling feeling increase.

Nolan wakes up to TK cussing. He feels like shit, worse than before he fell asleep. When he opens his eyes, TK is standing at the side of the bed holding his shoe.

It’s the hotel room in Raleigh.

“What—” his voice sounds raspy as fuck, “—the fuck is going on?”

TK’s eyes snap to him.

“What—do you mean?”

Nolan groans and sits up. His head hurts and his mouth feels like shit. Again.

“Why are we here?”

“Uh,” TK stares at him, a lingering nervousness just behind the eyes. “Cause we lost to the Canes and now we’re out of the playoffs? Like, dude, do you not—”

“No, I know that,” Nolan snaps. He just doesn’t—once could be a dream maybe but he’s here again. There’s not—what the fuck this isn’t science fiction. This doesn’t happen.

TK clearly has no idea what’s happening because he says: “So you remember we hooked up?"

The nervousness is on full display now.

“…yeah, I remember,” Nolan says.

“Oh,” Travis swallows. “Good.”

This is excruciating so Nolan climbs out of bed and goes to shower. There’s the hickey. Same spot. When he gets out of the shower Nolan starts googling ‘day repeating’ and then he’s three paragraphs deep on Wikipedia, reading about time loop logic and trying to figure out if he knows what the fuck polynomial time could be when he didn’t understand any of the previous three paragraphs either.

Travis comes out of the shower wrapped in a towel. His hair is wet, dripping on to his shoulders and chest.

They sit together at breakfast.

“Hey Patty, car accident in the tunnel.” Oatmeal this time.

Nolan’s face must be doing something weird because Travis swallows and frowns at him.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Nolan lets out a breath. “Yeah, just my headache. It’s fine.”

“Okay.” Travis bumps their shoulders together. It’s so fucking weird. Nolan knows what’s going on, or at least what’s going to happen. He follows the team, sits in his seat on the plane. He skips ahead in The Office, since he can remember the episode he watched yesterday. Today. Whatever. It’s exhausting.

When they get home, while they’re waiting for the elevator, Travis looks at him. He looks tired, pale and washed out.

“How’s your head?”

Nolan runs his fingers through his hair, snagging on the tangles.

“Hurts, but you know.”

Travis nods. They get into the elevator, side by side. If Nolan is right and this day works out like the others then Travis is going to follow him to his apartment.

“Hey,” Travis says when they’re almost at his floor and when Nolan turns to him he steps forward and hugs him. Nolan is—surprised but he hugs back, close and warm. Travis’s forehead rests on his shoulder. He breathes out.

“Um,” Travis let’s go when the door slides open. “See you tonight yeah? Sleep it off.”

Nolan blinks at him. He grabs his bag and leaves the elevator, still half expecting Travis to follow him out. He doesn’t, hits the button for his floor. Nolan turns away before the door is completely closed.

The time loop or whatever it is doesn’t reset while he takes a nap, so he still has to go play the Rangers. He wonders if knowing the outcome of this game means he’ll be able to change it.

Turns out that’s not how it works. His memory of the first time he probably played this game is too vague to actually be useful, no exact plays he could stop, no last-minute goals he could get ahead of. When the game is over they’ve lost again and the score is 0:3.

The next days are strange and off kilter.

It’s like being in a constant state of deja-vu. Everything seems familiar but Nolan isn’t sure if that’s because he’s actually lived this before or because he’s looking at everything wondering if he did. It’s weird. He’s exhausted.

It doesn’t help that the strange tingling at the back of his head is still there.

Travis seems to sense there’s something going on with him. He gets this little frown line between his eyebrows, worries at his lip. Nolan is a little afraid he’s going to say something because he doesn’t know how to explain that he feels like he’s sleepwalking through his life right now. He doesn’t though, just watches Nolan. Brings snacks when he comes over the next day. Hangs around maybe a little longer than he normally would, just hanging out on the couch, talking about summer plans.

They don’t hook up.

Not that afternoon, not when they get into their hotel room in Dallas.

Not the next night in St. Louis.

Travis doesn’t bring it up. Nolan is grateful for it. It’s strange enough to wonder every time he falls asleep if he’s going to wake up back in Raleigh, to go through the motions of the days catching little things that he’s seen before.

Nolan looks at Travis in their hotel room in St. Louis, sprawled out on his bed without a shirt, hat on backwards, scrolling through his phone. He wonders if he could even do it, walk over to Travis and put his mouth on his skin. If Travis would let him now.

They’re not going to be roommates next year he realizes. Travis will be off his ELC. He’ll get his own room.

Nolan pulls the blanket up around his shoulders. He feels weird, stomach pulling tight. His head aches, just barely. The constant tingling is more noticeable.

It takes him forever to fall asleep.

Nolan wakes up to TK cussing. He holds his breath before he opens his eyes but he can already tell from the pounding in his head and the sour taste in his mouth that he’s back in Raleigh.

When he opens his eyes there’s Travis, the tie, the shoe. Nolan is exhausted already.

“Hey,” he rasps and sits up.

Travis starts and looks at him. There’s a long moment of eye contact. Nolan has to remind himself that to TK they just hooked up last night. It feels like forever ago. Nolan looks at Travis’s mouth. He sees Travis see him looking. He sees Travis swallow.

“I’m gonna shower dude,” Travis says and turns towards the bathroom.

“…yeah.” Nolan watches as Travis disappears through the door.

At breakfast Nolan waits for Travis to make his stupid joke but it doesn’t come. It doesn’t come and it doesn’t come and then it’s almost the end of breakfast. Nolan is chewing the last bites of his banana.

“Hey Travis,” he says. “Car accident in a tunnel.” And he opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue.

Travis laughs, wide mouthed, crinkly eyed. Nolan feels everything in his chest, hot, skin prickly. A swooping in his stomach.

He closes his mouth and chews his banana. Everything feels lighter.

Nolan sits next to Travis on the plane. He watches him out of the corner of his eyes as they drive home. He tries not think about what will happen when they get home, whether Travis will follow him to his apartment or not. He definitely doesn’t think about which of those two he wants, what he would do in one case or the other.

When Nolan gets out of the elevator Travis follows him. Everything is tight in Nolan’s chest. He remembers looking at the hickey in the mirror again this morning, remembering how long it take until it faded last time.

Travis walks into his living room, turns around and looks at him.

“So about last night—?”

Nolan doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He forces himself to be still.

“That was— like that— that was good, for me.”

Nolan breathes out. Travis face is guarded. Not closed off, just wary.

“I—” Nolan licks his lips. “Yeah me too.”

That’s not too much. Just enough. Nolan is tired. He’s gone through this day so many times. He can’t keep it straight, which time he’s done what. What Travis knows. But that part is true every time: Nolan and Travis had hooked up that first time and Nolan had liked it. Maybe wanted to keep doing it. That’s all.

Travis’s mouth goes soft. Crooked. Nolan looks at him. Looks away.

They don’t hook up then, just get ready for their game that night. It’s still a loss. The next day in Dallas Travis kisses him in their room though. It’s easy to pull each other’s clothes off, to put his mouth on Travis’s skin.

Time doesn't reset. Nolan keeps waiting for it to happen but every morning he wakes up in the bed he went to sleep in.

They lose all of their games until the end of the season again. Every single one. When Nolan steps off the ice after game against Carolina he feels tired in a way he hasn’t ever before but also aware that this is first time he’s played this game. The first time he’s felt this loss. He doesn’t want to hope but it feels like maybe he can push forward now.

Nolan rents his own place for the summer. Last year he’d gone back to his parents and his old bedroom but it had already felt cramped and restrictive. The place he gets now is small and fully furnished, close to the training facility. It’s not like he needs much: bedroom, kitchen, shower and a place to put his Xbox. He gets everything set up in an afternoon.

For a while he’s restless, waiting for the reset to come. This is the furthest he’s ever gone into the future and a part of him is worried it’ll be yanked away again, like a rug from under his feet and he’ll be back in Raleigh, everything weird and familiar around him. But the days pass without repetition and the further he gets into summer the less Nolan thinks about it. It almost doesn’t seem real anymore.

He’s still over at his parents’ house a lot, though. For dinner and just to hang out, Maddie and Aimee bothering him.

It’s nice.

The day he gets his first migraine he’s over after training. His dad made pasta with spinach sauce and Maddie tells a funny story from class during dinner. He sits with his parents out on the deck after, feels weird and grown up with a beer in his hand.

At first he thinks there’s something in his eye but he rubs at it and it doesn’t move. A weird, blurry spot in his vision. He stares at it, tries to figure out if it’s getting bigger. Rubs his hand over his eyes again. Squeezes his eyes closed and opens them again.

“What’s wrong honey?” His mom sounds worried.

“Uh.” He can’t focus on her. “There’s a weird spot in my vision?”

She frowns at him. He feels dizzy.

“Are you getting a migraine again?”

God he hopes not. Those had sucked when he’d gotten them as a kid. Knocked him out for the day.

“Let’s get you some aspirin.”

He sways when he stands. His mom leads him into the living room, settles him down on the couch. Now that his mother mentioned it Nolan can feel the beginnings of a headache settling in behind his left eye. It’s not bad yet, just gently pulsing, but he grimaces. His mom comes back with an aspirin and a glass of water.

“Stay here,” she says. “And if it gets bad go upstairs to your room and close the curtain.”

It gets bad. The aspirin doesn’t help and the pounding in his head gets worse and worse until it feels like something is stabbing into the back of his left eyeball. He throws up in the bathroom and then goes to his room, closes all the curtains and tries to go to sleep.

His head is better the next morning, but he feels wrung out. His mother has a worried frown on her face when he meets her over breakfast and Nolan tries not to think about how when he was little, she sometimes wouldn’t be able to leave her room because her head hurt so much.

But well. It’s just the one migraine.

He gets another one the next week.

And another one a few days after that.

And another—

His mother takes him to the doctor.

They do some tests and ask him some questions. Nolan sees the frown forming on the main doctor’s face when she hears that he plays hockey professionally.

“It’s not concussion related,” he says. “My mom gets them too.”

The frown eases a little bit.

“There’s certainly a genetic component,” she says. “But we should get some scans done anyway.”

They start working on pain management, trying to identify triggers. In between everything Nolan keeps training. Buys blackout curtains for his rented apartments, curtains that he hates, that he’s going to have to take to Philly with him. He lies there in the darkened room when he has to, breathing through the nausea and it’s so boring but everything else is too much.

He doesn’t tell anyone on the team yet. He goes days and days in a row without an attack sometimes and he’ll start to hope that maybe it’s done, maybe it was just this weird thing for a while and then he’s knocked flat on his back again and he wants to cry, wants to scream, to tear his hair out.

TK invites him to Ontario just when everything around him feels like it’s been closing in too tight, a strangle hold that Nolan can’t break out of. So he says yes. Doesn’t even really think about it. His parents give him disapproving looks over dinner but he’s not missing any doctors’ appointments and he’s got his pain meds. He can throw up in TK’s bathroom and lay down in TK’s guest room if he has to.

God, he hopes he doesn’t have to.

TK meets Nolan at the airport. It’s summer and they’ve all been working out but TK is thick with it, Nolan can tell. In the shoulders and the biceps, pecs, abs. He feels solid when Nolan wraps an arm around him. It makes Nolan want to dig his fingers in.

TK drives them home in his truck, music turned on but Nolan gets it down low and then they just talk. About training. About summer. About the moves the Flyers have made. Travis complains about his contract negotiations a bit, but they haven’t even really started up yet with all the shit going on in Toronto. Not like, completely. The world doesn’t stand still for Mitch Marner. But. A little bit. A little bit of wondering where the chips are going to fall.

Nolan doesn’t tell him about the migraines.

He doesn’t mean to, he doesn’t think. It’s just nice not to think about them. Not to think about doctors’ appointments and pain management and therapeutic measures. It’s fine. He can still tell TK tomorrow.

Nolan wakes to Travis knocking on the door. Nolan is staying in one of the guest rooms and Travis is yelling at him to get up, they’re going out on the lake.

It’s a nice day. Nolan wears sunglasses and a hat. He drinks water all the time and makes sure he doesn’t overheat and watches TK set up the fishing rods. Travis doesn’t wear his shirt and Nolan looks at his arms, the weight he’s gained already, the endless tan of his skin. He takes a drink of water. He wishes he had a beer.

When they get back from fishing they have dinner with them. They grill out on the deck. Nolan gets bitten by about a thousand mosquitoes, but he doesn’t say anything because it’s so nice to just sit here and not have to talk, have to think. He can just listen to TK. Listen, and look and sometimes he notices the way TK is looking back at him.

They’re clearing the table when Nolan can’t stand it anymore.

He steps up to TK. Normally TK doesn’t feel small. He’s always loud, always pushing, the solidity, the weight of him against the world. Nolan rarely looms over him like this, rarely uses his size to crowd TK. TK looks up at him and there’s something open in his face, something bare and vulnerable and Nolan can’t bear to look at it.

When he kisses him, Travis kisses back instantly.

There’s a moment of stillness, and then they’re shoving against each other, coming together. Hands, touching and then there’s a crack when Travis drops the glass he’d been holding and it hits the deck just so that it shatters.

“Fuck,” Travis says. “Fuck.”

He licks his lips. His hair is a mess because Nolan got his hands into it. His eyes are wide. On the floor there are a thousand tiny pieces of glass.

“Whatever.” Travis says. “I’ll get it later. Come on.”

He pulls Nolan inside.

Travis doesn’t feel small now, when he herds Nolan into the house and up the stairs. Hands on Nolan’s biceps, pushing, pulling. They strip out of their clothes. Travis’s skin tastes like summer, sunshine, sweat, sunscreen. He smells like the outdoors, like a day on the lake. Nolan bites him.

“Fuck.”

Travis swats at him.

“Come on, turn over I want to fuck you.”

Nolan ends up on his knees on Travis’s bed, head between his elbows. His hair brushes the bare skin of his arms. He feels hot all over, burning wherever TK touches him.

“God, Patty,” TK groans, rubs his dick along his ass. “Fuck you look so good.”

Travis fucks him on his knees and when it’s over they both go to sleep right there in Travis’s bed, sticky and warm, touching all over.

The next day Nolan wakes before Travis does. He climbs out of bed and goes to the kitchen. Starts up the coffee, sweeps up the glass still strewn over the back deck. His head doesn’t hurt and he takes his medicine.

By the time Travis gets downstairs coffee is ready and Nolan is scrolling through his phone. It takes Travis most of the cup to wake up but when he does he looks at Nolan, head tilted curiously.

“You didn’t really say yesterday, but. Anything new going on with you?”

Nolan can feel his tongue in his mouth, strangely heavy all of a sudden.

“Nah. Same old.”

Travis hums, then gets up to hunt through the fridge for food.

They mostly hang out that day, jumping in the lake and listening to music. Travis lies around in the sun, working on his tan. At least Nolan has the excuse of his milk white pastiness to stick to the shade.

He looks at Travis, spread out on the deck. No shirt, just shorts and a hat and between them the strong, muscled lines of his back. Nolan looks, watches the shifts, almost mesmerized. All that tan skin, the thickness of his shoulders, the swell of his ass in his shorts. It’s—Nolan can feel his cheeks getting hot but god, what is he supposed to do?

They fuck in the afternoon, lazy on the couch. Travis pulls Nolan’s hair, hard, forcing him to tilt his head back. Nolan likes it. He likes all of it, even if he’s not going to say that.

Later that night they’re sitting outside and the sun has gone down and there are a million stars sprinkled in the sky over the lake and Travis asks him again if there’s something going on.

Nolan doesn’t think he knows, doesn’t think he’s been obvious about it but there are occasions where Travis can be strangely intuitive. Good thing, too, or he’d never know a single thing.

Nolan feels good right now. He doesn’t want to destroy that with a discussion about his brain. Doesn’t want to see Travis’s sad fucking face when he tells him how it is. That they haven’t really found a way to manage it yes. That he isn’t sure he can play this season. He doesn’t want Travis to be careful around him.

So he says no. Nothing going on.

There’s still time. He can tell Travis later in the summer, or at training camp. Act like it hadn’t started yet when he was visiting. Tell him if he ends up having a migraine here. He’s desperate for things to feel normal right now.

Travis looks content at his answer. It’s not like he has a reason to disbelieve Nolan. Nolan feels more relieved than bad about it.

Nolan wakes to Travis knocking on the door.

That’s strange. Nolan remembers falling asleep next to Travis, curled into each other, almost shy. Like going to bed together wasn’t the thing to do if it wasn’t right after they’d fuck but neither of them was asking the other to leave. Travis arm had sprawled across Nolan’s waist, heavy, trapping him.

Now he’s in the guest room and it’s early in the morning.

“Come on, Patty, get up!” TK yells. “We’re going out on the lake!”

Oh no.

Nolan stumbles out of bed and checks the date on his phone and there it is, two fucking days ago. He puts his head in his hands, presses against his eyelids with the base. Thinks, bitterly, at least they’re nice days. At least he doesn’t have to lose at hockey, again and again.

TK knocks on his door again.

“I’m coming!” Nolan yells.

They go out on the lake. It’s beautiful, like the first time. Hot and blue and sparkling and Nolan watches Travis, watches the fishing rods. He feels hollowed out. How can he enjoy this, being stuck? How is he supposed to think?

He’s less careful about the sun and hydration this time and by the time they get back to the house he thinks he can feel the pain building behind his eye, a tingling at the base of his skull. He grits his teeth, sets up dinner with Travis anyway. Travis eyes him weirdly during, probably because he doesn’t say much, willing away migraine he can feel coming. As if he can just concentrate hard enough and then the aura won’t come and he won’t have to lie down.

“Headache,” he says when Travis asks what’s wrong. “I’ll lay down after we clean up.”

Travis drops a glass while they’re clearing the table. The sound is loud and sharp and sears through Nolan’s brain so hard he almost throws up. He looks at the thousands of tiny pieces of glasses and thinks dully that this is like the joke Travis had made. This is an anchor point.

Travis cusses and gets a broom.

Nolan goes to lay down in the guest room. He takes a pill, closes the curtains. Places a trashcan strategically for when he has to throw up. He hates everything and waits to fall asleep.

Nolan wakes to Travis knocking on the door.

His head doesn’t hurt anymore but when he opens his eyes the curtains are open, the cool morning light edging through. There’s no trashcan next to his bed. His head is tingling.

Another reset.

“Come on, we’re going out on the lake!”

Nolan closes his eyes again. He wonders if he can just stay here, if he can just fall asleep again and then everything will be—what? He’ll be back in TK’s bed or he’ll wake up to puke in a trashcan.

There aren’t any options except to get up and move forward and hope that time moves with him.

Travis chatters while they sit on the boat. Nolan only half listens because he’s heard most of these stories before, even before he started repeating this day. The sun is bright, hot. Yesterday sucked enough that Nolan is very careful about his hydration. He keeps his water bottle close by. Declines the beer Travis offers him.

The lake is still nice even the third day in a row. They catch more fish than they did yesterday, and Nolan doesn’t understand anything about how these time loops work. What changes and what stays the same. It’s almost interesting, but honestly he doesn’t care. He just wants to get out of it.

The rest of the day passes the way the last two had. Nolan could change it, he supposes. He could say he wants to go somewhere for dinner. He could leave. He could just refuse to help with dinner.

He doesn’t. He follows the pattern. Watches Travis grill the fish, watches his biceps as he flips it.

The sit longer this time, watching the stars come out. Travis is quiet, or at least quieter than Nolan is used to. He leans back in his chair, hand wrapped loosely around his beer, hat turned backwards and he looks at Nolan in the light of the moon and the porch. Doesn’t say anything though.

Not until they’re cleaning up again.

“So what’s happening with you? Anything going on?”

Nolan rolls his eyes. “You know there isn’t.”

Travis looks at him. There’s something hard around his eyes, something tired.

“You always do this.” He says.

“Uh, what?”

“Since you’ve been here. Every time I ask you if there’s something up you say no but I’m not fucking stupid. I can tell there’s something going on with you.”

He looks legitimately mad, shoulders hunched in around his ears, eyes tight. Nolan gets stuck on something else though.

“What do you mean ‘every time’ you ask me?”

Travis hasn’t asked him. Not yet, not—not _this _loop.

“I—” Travis stares at him and he looks confused and then pissed about it.

Nolan reaches out and grabs his wrist.

“What do you mean ‘every time’?”

Travis yanks his wrist back. Nolan doesn’t try to hold onto him but maybe Travis was expecting him to because the glass he was holding slips through his fingers and falls to the ground. It breaks, like Nolan knew it would, splinters spilling all around them.

They both stare at it.

“Whatever,” Travis says. “Just. When I ask you things. You don’t say shit.”

He turns and disappears inside, probably to get a broom. Nolan doesn’t know because he doesn’t wait for him, just disappears inside and into the guest room.

Nolan wakes to Travis knocking on the door.

Fuck this.

“Come on Nolan! Get up, we’re going to the lake!”

Sun. Water. Fishing. Travis’s skin shimmering with sweat and water he poured on himself. He’s not mad at Nolan anymore, smiling at him with the corner of his mouth, face in profile.

“You want a beer?” He asks. Casual.

“Nah.”

“…kay.”

_You always do this _Nolan remembers and _you don’t say shit._

“I can’t,” he says. “I…I’ve been getting a lot of migraines.”

Travis doesn’t say anything. He looks surprised. Mouth open, face slack. Nolan swallows.

“Migraine disorder, the doctors said. I don’t know if I’ll be able to play this season. Probably not at the start.”

“Oh.” Travis says. “Oh shit.”

Nolan shrugs. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Anything I can do?”

Nolan laughs. If there was anything anyone could do he’d feel slightly better about it.

“Nah. We’re working on it. Pain management. Figuring out the triggers. I just have to try to be careful right now.”

“Got it.”

Travis grins. It’s crooked, mischievous. Nolan wants to kiss him. He does, leans forward into Travis’s space and presses their mouths together. They’re sun-warm and sweaty. Travis hums, leans into him and Nolan pushes all giddiness and swooping feelings far, far away.

They fuck when they get home. Nolan puts his dick in Travis this time and he’s startled when has the thought that technically, in this time, he’s had sex with Travis more often than Travis has had sex with him, which is weird and screwy to think about.

Travis drops a glass at dinner. Nolan helps him clean it up.

They go to sleep together and when Nolan wakes up his still in Travis’s room, Travis arm slung across him. His head isn’t tingling anymore, which he’s starting to recognize is a sign that he’s trapped in a loop but who knows. It could all loop for him again when he goes to sleep tonight. He doesn’t trust it.

He looks at Travis, who still asleep. He looks sort of dumb, face easy and relaxed, mouth slightly open. His hair looks stupid. Nolan wants to put his hand on his face, trace his fingers along his nose and cheek. Soft.

He closes his eyes again, burrows deeper into the bed.

They spend that day relaxing too. TK doesn’t treat him any different, which was the thing Nolan worried about most. He seems to trust that Nolan will tell him if he needs anything and for the rest seems content to just act like nothing is happening. Nolan is pathetically grateful. They stay out by the water, messing around, laughing, wet, bright.

The third day Nolan gets a migraine.

He can tell it’s coming because he gets the fucked up vision shit, the aura and he knows there’s nothing he can really do. He takes some meds, tells TK, goes inside.

His head hurts. Nolan is so fucking angry.

“Hey,” Travis slips into his room. It’s mostly dark, curtains closed and no lights because that always aggravates him but Nolan can still make out the shape of Travis coming towards him.

“Will it bother you if I stay here with you?”

His voice is low, pitched to be soothing.

“No,” Nolan says, “but I can’t really do anything.”

“That’s fine.”

Travis crawls onto the bed with him, positions himself so that he’s lying mostly on Nolan. It’s not ideal because if Nolan has to throw up he’ll have to dump him off but it’s kind of nice, the heavy weight of him, Travis's head on his chest.

It doesn’t help, of course. Nolan’s head still hurts. He’s still nauseous, bored out of his mind. He feels bad. But maybe, somehow, it’s a little better than usually.

The next day time is still normal and Nolan can mostly function again. They still have this one day and then, if time doesn’t fuck him over again, Nolan will go home. He tries to calculate how many days he actually spent at the lake now with TK instead of the five days he had planned but he gives up in the end. Nine maybe. Or ten.

It’s a nice last day. More lake. They drive into town to pick up some food. Travis kisses Nolan out on the water, at the house, in his bedroom. Before he drives him to the airport the next day. It’s too much almost. They still haven’t talked about it, aren’t talking about and that’s too much kissing to not do that but Nolan doesn’t bring it up, just kisses back.

When Nolan gets home, he gets a haircut. His mom had been bugging him to and when he looks at himself in the mirror with the short hair, he thinks that now at least he has a marker for where he is in time.

He makes an appointment for a new tattoo.

He knows that he’s trying to find things to hold onto. Things that won’t change. Tattoos have always felt like that. It’s what he likes about them, that even when they turn stupid, he can look at them and know what he felt at the time that he got them.

It feels strange to think that he could circle back in time and they could be gone again. He watches the needle trace over, through his skin. The swipe of the tattoo guy’s hand as he wipes away the blood and ink. The way the lines appear slowly, the way it hurts. This is supposed to be permanent.

He wonders if he should tell the doctors about it. _Hey, sometimes I get stuck in time. It’s a new thing. Is that relevant to my migraines? _He doesn’t think he can.

Nolan doesn’t like thinking about things, but he’s had to do some thinking. People keep giving him things to read about migraines. It’s boring. He does it anyway.

In the same way he thinks about how he gets stuck in time. He keeps waiting for it to happen again and it doesn’t and it doesn’t. Both of the last times he’d gotten stuck had been right after he hooked up with TK.

He needs to stop hooking up with TK.

It’s an easy decision to make. He knows that last year was special, that they were all over each other. Next year is going to be different. It has to be.

It’s different already.

Summer is dragging on and Travis still hasn’t signed his contract. He’s not the only one and the hockey world is holding its breath as training camp appears on the horizon.

Nolan tells the team about his migraine disorder.

He put it off, mostly because he was hoping that they’d find something, some magical solution that would make it so that he could play and all he’d have to talk to them about is management stuff. Getting his meds.

It’s not like that though.

They say all the right things, talk about putting him in touch with people in Philadelphia, to have his doctors send their stuff over but Nolan thinks he can sense it. The disappointment. _A second over-all pick, for this?_

Travis still hasn’t signed his contract when training camp is poised to start so he’s not there when everyone starts coming into town. Nolan sits by himself in his apartment. He looks around, stares up at the ceiling. Two floors above him is TK’s place. Always there, so close. This is not the ideal situation if he’s going to stop hooking up with him.

The lease on his place is up soon. He should probably think about moving out.

It’s so fucking convenient then, when he hears Kevin talking about his new place in the locker room, how big it is. Wondering out loud if anyone is still looking for a roommate and would want to move it.

Nolan likes Kevin so far. He’s cheerful and nice, open and friendly. He blinks at Nolan when Nolan mumbles about the lease on his place being up and maybe looking for something new, then grins.

“Sure, dude! You wanna come by and take a look later?”

Nolan's already decided, but he says yes anyway.

He’s not really practicing with the team yet. It’s frustrating but the first time he tried skating he got taken out for two days. The guys have been sympathetic, no one is blaming him or anything. ‘That fucking sucks’ has been the most common sentiment. Nolan will take it.

The first day training camp officially starts there’s still no word on TK’s contract. ‘Still a ways to go’ is the sentiment put out to the media and Nolan doesn’t know any different. He’s not really talking to Travis right now. He doesn’t know if that’s on Travis or on him.

Travis isn’t there the second days of training camp, or the third. Vigneault makes some comment afterwards that he’s disappointed and Nolan frowns when he hears it. It’s not like Travis is staying away because this is fun for him.

“You know anything about what’s going on with Konecny?” Kevin asks at dinner. Nolan moved in just before training camp started.

“No.” Nolan focuses on his pasta. “Why would I?”

“I dunno,” Kevin sort of shrugs. “I thought you guy were, like, tight.”

Nolan doesn’t know what his face does but it must be bad because Kevin looks startled and then his expression goes soft with pity.

“Oh,” he says. “Oh, buddy.”

Whatever Kevin thinks he knows, Nolan wants him to not know that. He wants this moment to never have happened, for it to disappear in time. Of course, he’s not granted that.

Nolan wakes to the insistent dinging of his alarm. He can hear Kevin in the kitchen, swearing quietly and opening and closing cabinets.

Everything promises to be another normal day. Shows what he knows.

Camp is the way camp is. There are drills to run, which Nolan doesn’t join in on and then there’s discussions of the system, which he does sit in on. Somewhere after the second discussion of the new powerplay system Nolan thumbs open twitter and there’s the fucking news. _Forward Travis Konecny Signs Extension With Philadelphia Flyers._

“Hey,” he says and tilts his phone to Kevin, who’s sitting next to him. Kevin squints at the screen and then grins at him.

“Fucking nice! Must’ve just gotten it done, the journos are fast with that shit.”

Nolan debates for a moment, then he texts Travis. Just an exclamation point but he feels like it gets his feelings across. Chances are Travis won’t respond to it anyway, because that’s just how he is with phones.

They move on to discussing the PK and when Nolan checks his phone again there’s actually a message from Travis.

Teeks

_Fuck yeah see you in philly!!!_

Nolan can feel himself smile.

He doesn’t offer to pick Travis up from the airport or anything like that, just gets to training camp a little early and lurks around the locker room until Travis is done giving his quotes for the door and marches in, grinning wide like an idiot. He looks good, tanner that when Nolan had seen him over the summer and thicker too, his shoulders and biceps stretching the thin fabric of his shirt. Nolan gets caught on it for half a moment before he drags his eyes to Travis’s face, grinning.

They do the backslap-hug. Nolan thinks about the way Travis’s back feels under his hand.

There’s a lot of teasing about TK’s new contract. Lots of threats of making him pay for dinner, lots of being called a hold out. Travis just laughs at them. He seems relaxed, shoulders loose.

Later they get a minute almost to themselves half off to the side of the locker room.

“What about you?” Travis asks. “How are you doing?”

He’s noticed Nolan isn’t skating yet, of course. Nolan lifts one shoulder in a shrug.

“Dunno man. We’re working on it.”

He doesn’t say anything else. Not about the frustration. Not about the worry he feels. Not about the way he wants to bite TK’s shoulders.

Travis’s gaze searches his face but before he can say anything the others are there again and it gets loud.

They don’t have really have a chance to talk again until the next day, when Travis wanders over to him with a hurt face.

“You moved out?”

“Uh,” Nolan swallows. “Yeah. My lease was up and Kevin was looking for a roommate, you know…”

He trails off. There’s real hurt in Travis’s face. Maybe because Nolan didn’t till him until right now.

“I tried knocking on your door dude and no one answered and I just kept knocking until your neighbour opened her door and told me you’d moved out.”

“Sorry. I just…needed to be somewhere else.”

Somewhere not so close to you, Nolan doesn’t say. So I don’t start hooking up with you again and get stuck in time. Travis still looks bummed out.

“I can come by tonight,” Nolan offers. “We can hang out.”

Travis perks right up at that. Nolan’s chest hurts a little.

Nolan cancels the plan. Just before he’s supposed to head over, he texts Travis: _sorry can’t make it._Nothing except that but he knows that Travis is going to think it’s about his migraines. He hates that. He doesn’t want to use—this, as an excuse, ever. The fact that it’s working like one right now is almost unbearable.

Seeing Travis would be more unbearable.

Kevin makes sad eyes at Nolan over the dinner table until Nolan can’t take it anymore and disappears into his room. He lays in bed and scrolls angrily through Instagram until he feels his head and has to put it away. He stares angrily at his ceiling instead.

Nolan wakes to the insistent dinging of his alarm. There’s noise in the apartment and he drags himself up. His head feels normal, except the faint tingling at the base of his skull.

It takes him an embarrassingly long time to realize it’s not Wednesday. The day starts like every other day before training camp does. It’s not until he gets to the locker room and TK isn’t there that he makes the connection and pulls out his phone to check the date.

Monday. Travis signs today.

Nolan is suddenly furious.

This was not supposed to happen. He hadn’t hooked up with TK. He hasn’t done anything.

The rest of the day feels like sleepwalking. One day of training camp is much like the other but knowing that he’s already done this day makes Nolan less willing to participate. It’s whatever. He’ll get another chance tomorrow. Today.

He sits in the powerplay discussion and refuses to check twitter. He doesn’t want to know whether in this loop Travis loop signs the same as last time.

Nolan’s phone vibrates against his thigh when the discussion is almost over. He doesn’t check it. It just sits there, in his pocket, suddenly heavier than it was before.

When Nolan sits in his car he finally pulls it out. There’s a message from Travis. Barely a text over the summer and now this.

Teeks

_Fuck yeah coming home_

Nolan hesitates, then texts back.

_Need a ride from the airport?_

He drops his phone and drives home. When he gets there Travis has texted him back. An exclamation point and his flight info for tomorrow, ass o’clock in the morning. Nolan already regrets offering.

Nolan wakes to the insistent dinging of his alarm. He rolls over and grabs his phone. Checks the date. Tomorrow. The next day. Tuesday. Whatever.

Kevin isn’t awake yet because Nolan is up way too early in order to get TK from the airport. It’s too early to think so he doesn’t. Just follows the route to the airport on autopilot, parks his car and walks into the terminal just as TK walks out.

The grin that splits Travis’s face is also too much for the morning so Nolan just wraps his arms around him. Pulls him close, face tucked into Travis for a moment, then lets go and steps back. Travis looks just like he did yesterday. Tanned, built, grinning.

“Thanks bud.”

Nolan grunts. They load TK’s shit into the car and Nolan drives to their building. TK’s building. He should probably tell him that. It’s too fucking early.

Of course Travis makes Nolan carry half his shit up. It’s to be expected but Nolan still complains about it. It makes Travis smile.

“Guess we have to go in to camp soon, huh?” Travis says when he opens his door. He drops his suitcase right there in the hallway and walks further into the apartment. Nolan drops the bag he’s holding right next to the suitcase.

“Gotta be there at ten.”

They’re in the living room. There are memories of things that happened here that both Travis and Nolan remember and there are some that only Nolan remembers. Nolan isn’t quite sure which are which.

Travis stands there and surveys his living room, like he has to remind himself what it looks like, then he turns and looks at Nolan. He’s smiling one of his small smiles, slightly crooked. Nolan didn’t want to hook up with him to stop time from looping and time looped anyway. He steps forward. Travis watches him, head tilted up.

There’s a moment where they stand close and neither of them move. A single moment suspended in space. Clear and clean.

When Travis kisses Nolan a curl of warmth wraps itself around Nolan’s stomach. He feels like he’s floating. He’s in love with Travis.

He’s in love with Travis.

The realization hits like a punch to the gut. Travis’s mouth is warm. He bites Nolan’s lip gently. Nolan opens his mouth. What a stupid, critical thing to have ignored.

Nolan doesn’t know what to do so he keeps kissing Travis. There’s no—they don’t have time for this. Nolan still lets Travis pull him back into the living room until they’re tumbling down on the couch. Kissing, touching whatever they can reach of each other. Their hands slide under each other’s clothes but they don’t take them off. No time, just fabric shoved out of the way, cocks sliding together and Nolan’s mouth on TK’s neck until he collapses bonelessly on top of him.

“You wanna stay or you going back to your place?” Travis is running his hand idly through Nolan’s hair.

“…I’ll stay.”

They clean up and they go up camp. Nolan doesn’t meet Kevin’s eye over video review. He doesn’t even know if Kevin is looking at him but he doesn’t check. Better safe than sorry. Nolan ducks out of camp a little early because he’s not skating and drives home. He doesn’t talk to TK before he leaves. When he gets home he just goes to his room, lays down on the bed and stares at the ceiling.

He should tell Travis he moved at least. Not make it awkward if this is the timeline that’s going to stick. He doesn’t think so though. His head still feels weird, still feels the tingling.

Nolan wakes to the insistent dinging of his alarm.

Nolan wakes to the insistent dinging of his alarm.

Nolan wakes to the insistent dinging of his alarm. He checks the date. Monday. Just the way he expected. He’s so goddamn tired off this.

He goes to training camp again. By now he could probably run through the day with his eyes closed. It’s one thing for a day to be regimented. It feels like another thing to have exactly the same schedule for day after day. An endless fucking loop.

He could do something else. Leave. And then where would he be.

His phone buzzes against his leg during video review. _‘Can’t wait to see you’ _is what Travis texted him this time. Nolan stares at it. He feels his heart flip in his chest. It’s been doing that since he had his stupid realization.

He hadn’t texted Travis back the last days but today he types out _‘same’ _before he slides his phone in his pocket again. It buzzes almost immediately but he refuses to take it out.

_‘Come pick me up tonight?’ _it says when he finally checks it and some flight info. The flight gets in stupid late this evening, not tomorrow. He can make it. He’s been avoiding Travis for the past few days but that just gets him back to Monday.

‘_Yeah’ _he texts back. He doesn’t check to see if Travis reads it.

Travis doesn’t look surprised when he sees him at the airport. He looks tired, the skin under his eyes dark and thin. At this time of the night there’s almost no one else at the airport so Nolan lets himself hug Travis a little longer than he normally would. He hasn’t gotten to do this in days.

They lug Travis’s stuff to the car. Travis climbs into the passenger seat and starts fiddling with the radio.

“Thanks man. I thought about flying in tomorrow morning but then…,” he trails off, leans his head against the window and watches the other cars pass by. Nolan doesn’t say anything.

Not until they’re almost at the building. He doesn’t look at Travis, just keeps staring straight ahead through the windshield.

“I moved out.”

Out of the corner of his eye he can see Travis jerk and then turn to look at him.

“What?”

He sounds bewildered. Nolan shrugs. Turns into the parking garage.

“My lease was up and Kevin was looking for a roommate…”

“Oh.” Travis is staring at him but Nolan refuses to look. He needs to concentrate on where he’s going, so he can find his way out again.

Travis doesn’t speak again until they’re dumping his bags in his living room. He turns to look at Nolan and it’s almost awkward.

“You want—” he makes a gesture in the air, probably at the realization that he doesn’t have anything in the apartment to offer Nolan. Nolan shoves his hands in his pockets.

“No thanks.”

“Right.” Travis licks his lips. Rocks forward on his toes, then back. Every emotion Travis has ever had is felt with his whole body. “Why’d you move out?”

It’s—Nolan doesn’t want to tell him. Not now in the middle of night after Travis just signed his contract. Not ever, preferably. Besides it’s not as if the reason he had then, the time thing, is even the reason now.

Travis looks—not nervous exactly but there’s something lurking in his expression that makes Nolan take a second. Like he’s on guard. Nolan remembers the hurt on his face the first time he’d told him he’d left.

God he’s so tired of everything. He can just tell him. He won’t remember tomorrow anyway.

“I’m in love with you,” he says, “so I figured I needed some space.”

There’s a heartbeat where nothing happens then—

“Well that’s fucking stupid.”

Nolan’s eyes snap to Travis’s face. He’s smiling. A crinkling, broad smile, the kind that lights up his face. He’s moving closer, into Nolan’s space. Nolan stays stock still, eyes wide. He has not idea what’s happening.

“What--?”

“You’re so goddamn stupid,” Travis kisses him, warm, soft. His hand comes up to touch Nolan’s face. It feels like everything around him is melting. Like the only thing he can concentrate on is Travis.

They make it to Travis’s bedroom. Travis gets Nolan on his back. Nolan tucks the strand of Travis’s hair that brushes his face behind Travis’s ear. Everything is slow and warm.

“I love you too,” Travis says after when they’re tucked into each other, around each other. Nolan’s heart hurts. He doesn’t want to wake up in his room again tomorrow.

There’s no point though. He knows he can’t just stay awake forever. It’s better to get things over with. He can tell Travis again tomorrow.

When Nolan wakes up again he’s still in Travis’s room. There’s no tingling in his head. He breathes out. Maybe.

He makes it to the next day and the next day and the next. Eventually he doesn’t feel like he’s holding his breath anymore. Time settles around him. He’s okay.

**Author's Note:**

> The end of this was supposed to be different but I ran out of time, sorry! Hope you still like it.


End file.
